BMI (Body Mass Index)

Your BMI is what doctors use to calculate whether you are Underweight, Normal Weight and Overweight. This last decade, much emphasis has been placed on our BMI.  In fact so much so that it has become a perverse tool of social engineering. If your BMI is over a certain NUMBER, then you are not a beauteous, slender, saintly hottie. You must be demonized, "gluttonous." You are ostracized for not belonging to the Culture of Thin. Of course, none of this is verbalized, but it insinuates itself into our attitudes much like radiation adulterating everything it invisibly touches. 

BMI is very useful to everyone BUT you. It is useful to subject you to the tyranny of the weight loss industry, the medical profession, the insurance industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the advertising industry, the fashion industry, the clothing industry, the food industry and the public health establishment. BMI is an EXTREME SPORT FOR THEM TO PUT YOU AT WAR WITH YOURSELF. It is a guilt purveyor, a devil waiting to suck the life from your soul and the intellect from your mind.  It extracts all of your worth and being until nothing is left of your identity and you are morphed into a vapid mountain of flesh which must be reduced using THEIR help!

• BMI is the crown of glory for the THIN and the crown of thorns for the FAT. 
• BMI is a boon for the weight loss industry and a bust for the Fat Acceptance Movement.
• You ARE MORE than your BMI!  (Sometimes the obvious needs to be repeated over and over.)

Overweight? Obese? Feel fat and bloated? Take a breath, decompress and enjoy this section.


Pissed off at my Obese classification on the BMI calculator three years ago, I thought up a few revised meanings of the acronym. These identify some of the issues related to this scourge of social fat engineering created by the terrorists of thin. How many words can you think of to apply to this most egregious fascist tool? If you can best my paltry attempt, please add your examples in the comments box.

       
                                    
                                      DECONSTRUCTING   BMI      

BMI could stand for:

Bullshit Metabolism Index;

Bullying Metabolic Ideality

Bowel Movement Iconography;

Blowhards, Masking Idiocy

Browbeating Metaphysical Ironies

Bowel Movement Inspectors

Bastard Meretricious Industries

Baloney Merde Index

Beezlebub’s Mendacious Illusion

Baleful Machiavellian Inhumanity

Blasphemous Mordent Infamy

Besmirching Merciless Insanity

Belial’s Maleficent Iniquity

Bilious Metabolic Ignominy

Bizarre Misguided Ineptitude

Bedeviling Mournful Impressment

Berserk Murderous Ideal

Bigoted Mercenary Identity

Beastial Malicious Imperialism

Bombastic Merchandizing Inanity

Bitchy Malignant Image

Blind Misguided Illegitimacy

Brutish Malefic Imposture

Beguiling Mercurial Indecorum

Bearish Maniacal Incarnation

Befouling Murky Icon

Badgering Mythical Inaccuracy

Beggarly Medieval Impudicity

Baffling Metabolic Imbecility

Bankrupt Murky Illusion

Barbarous Mercantile Idolatry

Barbecuing Mediocre Ilk

Barbaric Mean Illogic

Bereft Mulish Ill Will

Begriming Malefic Impuissance

Blundering Meager Inaccuracy

Bolshevik Machiavellian Incubus

Brutal Maladjusted Inefficacy

Bowelish Maleficent Inertia

Beastly Maiming Imposter

Burdensome Mewling Idiosyncrasy

Bewitching Macabre Incantation

Briny Mawkish Impurity

Byzantine Metaphoric Incongruence

Boorish Masochistic Indulgence

B-----------M------------I----------  (Fill one in yourself. It will do you a world of good.)   

You get the picture about BMI. If you are gauging your fitness using this calculator, beware. Do not fall prey to this social construct meant to captivate you toward the weight loss industry in all its attendant forms. At the very least discuss your weight with your doctor and above all, decide what constitutes fitness for yourself, the only person you should please, when all is said and done. You need to lose weight? You decide what food constructs to use; you select your food plan. If it takes much trial and error, then so be it. Never give up caring for yourself and above all do not take the easy way out, doing nothing. For you will surely grow less and less fit.